Looking for a New Job?

I couldn’t resist this. Sorry… 

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn’t concentrate.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was exhausting.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it. Mainly because it was a so-so job.

I worked as a pilot but eventually got grounded for taking off too much.

Then I tried teaching, but I couldn’t make the grade.

I spent a few years as a Psychiatrist, but everyone’s problems drove me crazy.

 I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn’t cut it.

Then I tried to be a chef–figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn’t have the thyme.

 I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard.

 My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn’t noteworthy.

I was a pretty good eye doctor, but I could not stay focused on the job.

I worked a long time as a doctor.  I gave it my best shot, but didn’t have enough patients.

 Next was a job in a shoe factory; but it never touched my sole.   

The Energizer Battery Company hired me, but then expected me to keep going, and going, and going…

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining. 

I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes, but I was fired because I wasn’t up to it.

So then I got a job in a gymnasium (work-out-center), but they said I wasn’t fit for the job.

Of course, I tried being a secretary, but it turned out not to be my type of work.

My years as an exterminator were pretty good, but I got tired of the rat race.

Next, I found being an electrician interesting, but I had no outlets on the weekends I was off.

I was a gardener for a while, but I didn’t grow with the job even though I was raking in the money.

My career as a comedian was a stand-up success, but the critics thought I was a big joke. 

I even tried to become an astronaut, but I would often space out during training.

After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.

I even tried working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

I trained to become a professional wild turkey caller, but my job got gobbled up by the recession.

Finally, I became a pastor and loved it. Unfortunately, I was transferred to a church in Berlin and became a German Shepherd.

Now I am retired but work part-time as a meteorologist because my joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service. I live in a retirement community where all my secrets are safe with my friends because they can’t remember them.

Hope you find a good job sooner than I did.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! (gobble gobble)

2 thoughts on “Looking for a New Job?

  1. Kasuma724

    You could have resisted. I bet you didn’t even try.

    Happy Thanksgiving to the whole Mcdowell clan!!

    Sent from my iPhone so please excuse any typos!


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