I have often wondered if it is true that men have a Nothing Box– a place in their brains which contains absolutely no thoughts. How many times has my wife asked “what are you thinking”? and my reply has been “oh, nothing.” Obviously, women do not have such a box and I can prove it. Not once in almost 44 years of marriage has my wife failed to to tell me what was on her mind when I asked; and many times, even when I didn’t ask. So this was my chance to pull off this groundbreaking experiment since I had the time.
I was at my son’s house and he and my grandson were taking a nap and no one else was home. I sat back in the recliner, put my feet up, closed my eyes and I began not to think. “ZZZZZ- c’mon Dave, don’t fall sleep, just don’t think.” My stomach rumbled, “I must be hungry. I need to remind myself to get a muffin after this experiment is over. Oh, today is Gloria’s birthday. Concentrate now- why did I just think of orange juice? Stop thinking!”
Things proceeded like this for awhile until I reached the state of non-thought; well, not exactly. I began to think in images… strands of spaghetti, deflated footballs, beautifully crafted sermons floated by my mind’s eye. Suddenly I realized something- I am always thinking, just not very profoundly. Thus the conclusion of my scientifically conducted experiment is (drum roll) that men do not have a Nothing Box because they are obviously always thinking. Instead they have a box for Unprofound Thought and when asked what they are thinking and they respond “oh nothing,” they really mean “oh nothing you would be interested in because it is not very profound.”
I hope this is helpful to women everywhere who probably would argue against my conclusion that men actually have profound thoughts. I would find such sentiment callous and unfeeling because ah…er…I’m not actually sure why… Anyway, if you (women) really desire to understand the men in your life, like Jezebel tried to understand Ahab and Elijah, then you need to accept the theory of unprofound thought instead of no-thought. Thank you very much.
I would be willing to entertain your input on this subject just as long as you agree with me. If you don’t, then I will put your comment in a specially created Nothing Box.